My family resting in the National Art Gallery. You can tell a lot about people's current emotions by their facial expressions.

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I'm doing. . . pretty good?!

About a month ago I completed my first treatment of Azedra - the nuclear medicine treatment. The first few weeks were really challenging for me because I was so radioactive that it was unsafe for others to be near me for even short periods of time and I had to isolate in our bedroom.  I found out during that time that I need hugs to hold myself together mentally. Not like "oh, this is nice" but they reassure me that I'm ok both physically and socially. I chose not to hug my wife because I was so radioactive - the last thing I wanted to do is make her sick. But my choice of not hugging my wife until my radioactivity dropped to a safer level made me feel lonely and isolated. It was only when my radioactivity dropped and I was able to get more hugs from Bessie that I felt like my Azedra treatment was complete. As I met my hug quota and was appreciating the other rooms in our house, I noticed something - I felt pretty good! To be clear, feeling "pretty good" with my...
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Radioactive Garbage Time

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"...There is room in the halls of pleasure For a large and lordly train, But one by one we must all file on Through the narrow aisles of pain." a portion of Ella Wheeler Wilcox's poem, Solitude I currently have my next Azedra (nuclear medicine) treatment scheduled for February 7th at the University of Pennsylvania hospital. I can't say I'm looking forward to it. The treatment itself is nothing troubling - my body will feel a bit off for a few days but the psychological impact of the required isolation afterwards is profound. As I've said before, hugs play a big part in me calculating my self-worth and being happy. As an introvert I don't miss crowds of people and it doesn't take much to fulfill my socialization requirements, but when I don't fulfill those requirements I feel terribly lonely. There's also the feeling of being a radioactive leper, with nurses donning little hazmat suits and ducking between lead panels to talk to me for a few mome...
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Passing Through the Gate of Extreme Radiation

In a week, I will get a shot of highly radioactive material in an attempt to nuke the cancer within me while I survive. The procedure will occur at the University of Penn hospital in Philly. I will be kept in a hospital room until my personal radioactive level is at a level for me to be safe on the street. (I'm actually not sure if that's a law, but it's a really good idea to keep people who are very radioactive from walking around and giving people x-rays without their permission.) I will likely spend 4-5 days in the hospital and be released on Friday. I will still be dangerously radioactive, so when I go home I will need to stay away from Bessie and other multi-cellular organisms that I value. We have a Geiger counter to help figure out what my radioactive level is and how close I can be without hurting her. It will certainly be an awkward number of days, but we could have fun with it. The most likely immediate side-effect from the radioactive shot will be nausea. While I...
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